I Assure You I Saved Nothing for the Swim Home

AWAKE officially releases into the world tomorrow.

I am sitting on the 10th floor of my hotel in Midtown. Per usual, New York is hog-wild with sirens, jackhammers, and honking horns. It is dirty and chaotic and I love every inch of it. Here in the literary center of the world, it feels like the right place to launch my little boat into the ocean; my agent, Margaret, told me as I started writing this book to “save nothing for the swim home” and I assure you I did not. I have a quiet second between one million interviews, media appearances, and flights, and I have something to say to you.

AWAKE releases tomorrow.

I have never had so many eyes on a book in twenty years of writing. I have never managed this many readers, this much anticipation, or this level of positive literary attention. It is overwhelming. Hours away from launch, there is a rising roar – most wanted, some not, most sanctioned, some not. Everyone is clamoring for their corner of this thing. There will be hot takes for clicks, misrepresentation for views, and in some cases, outrageous favor and applause.

All of it is loud and effusive.

This is how I know the last five years have changed me for the better: I feel quiet and unafraid of all of it. I don’t feel overly attached to the praise or the critiques. The five-year war against my own codependency means I am not trying to be in charge of anyone’s response. It is not my responsibility to manage the optics. My job was over the day I turned in the book.

I told an interviewer this morning: “I know I am in my integrity because not one sentence of AWAKE is keeping me up at night.” Other people can say what they say, but I have said what I said, thoughtfully and with great care. I’ve done my part. Everything *out there* is not my business. AWAKE will become something new in the hands of its readers, and I am only a small part of that alchemy.

Thirty people have worked tirelessly on AWAKE. My name is on the cover, but a committed coven of women (and a few good men) are responsible for *waves hand around* all this. I will do another dedicated post to name their names, because there is none of this without them.

So it is coming to you, my beloved community. Never have I felt so held. Your kindness is almost embarrassing. Not for a second do I think I deserve it or am owed; it is just a gift, plain and simple. A ton of us have been together for a really long time. We are going to have some new people in here after tomorrow, and I know you will welcome them warmly. They will love you because who couldn’t?

I hope you hold it gently. I hope it means something special and singular to you. I can’t wait to hear which sentence grabbed you by the throat, which section held up a lantern for you. I look so forward to gathering around these big ideas so many of us share.

I love you. Thank you for this beautiful moment in time. AWAKE is coming tomorrow.

LFG.