Hey - I just finished reading your book - I've been studying hope and hopefulness for 18 months or so and it was a perfect read and I really enjoyed it!
Ditto, sister. At least Jen is an enneagram 3 so she probably doesn’t suck at this as much as we do! 😆🤣 But really appreciate Jen sharing this. I’ve come incredibly far, but I have even farther to go. Step by step we’ll get there, one truth at a time.
Usually that person also knows something is wrong; they are having their own experience of it on the other side. YES THIS!
It's taken me years but now, I will say something like "things feel like they've shifted and I was wondering if you'd noticed too?" It doesn't always work the first time but it does at least start a conversation w/o being defensive right off the bat.
Hi, Enneagram Nine here! I might be the most conflict-avoidant Nine that ever Nine-d, so I have saved this post and will reread it at least monthly, if not weekly. Thank you for this much-needed reminder!
Yep, the truth will always come out one way or the other. It takes courage to bring to the surface what you've been stuffing down for so long. It's like sweeping dirt under the rug where the lump just gets larger and larger and larger. Finally something has to give. So much easier to just use a dustpan and throw that shit out.
"What is the conversation you’ve rehearsed for years and never had?" Stop being in my head. I have had a conversation in my head so many times and in so much detail, I feel genuinely surprised the person continues to act as if it never happened.
This just hit me right square in the stomach where I needed it to. I have been avoiding a conversation with my daughters about my will for a few years because I’m scared it might change my relationship with them, even though I’m not satisfied with where things are presently. I feel so scared and vulnerable when I think about it—I have analysis paralysis. Thanks for reminding me that I am making a mountain out of a molehill (even though it is a big molehill). You’re always spot-on~💕
I love this so much! And how you used your voice and spoke up when it was costly and uncomfortable. And how well it all worked out! I wasn't expecting to love your book, I had never heard of you when I bought it, but I DID. Loved every second of it!
I’m so glad you got out and so is everyone who read Awake! Thank you for guiding the rest of us with your story. I am here - wringing my hands over a conversation that is years overdue. Why? Because the thought of being the “bad guy” is intolerable. It is so helpful to be reminded there is a better way and that I’m not flawed for being afraid.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, Jen! I can SO relate to fleeing from conflict! Thank you for expressing so articulately the high cost of this behavior; I have experienced that as well. I do believe that as women are learning to use their voices differently, and from an earlier age, we are not teaching our daughters and granddaughters to keep the peace at all costs, something I know I was taught. We are teaching them to speak their truth, and that people who truly care about them will hear that and value it. Wow! I cannot wait to see the difference this will make in the world around us! Thank you again for reminding us that there is such value in sharing our struggles! We are never, never alone in them!
What else can I say except, "Thank you for going first," ad nauseum? (Me reading this: "👀👀👀") Love you.
Hey - I just finished reading your book - I've been studying hope and hopefulness for 18 months or so and it was a perfect read and I really enjoyed it!
Wow that hits me square in my Enneagram 9-ness. Thank you & also I may need to sit with this for a long minute...
Ditto, sister. At least Jen is an enneagram 3 so she probably doesn’t suck at this as much as we do! 😆🤣 But really appreciate Jen sharing this. I’ve come incredibly far, but I have even farther to go. Step by step we’ll get there, one truth at a time.
Usually that person also knows something is wrong; they are having their own experience of it on the other side. YES THIS!
It's taken me years but now, I will say something like "things feel like they've shifted and I was wondering if you'd noticed too?" It doesn't always work the first time but it does at least start a conversation w/o being defensive right off the bat.
That’s a GREAT opener to the conversation.
Hi, Enneagram Nine here! I might be the most conflict-avoidant Nine that ever Nine-d, so I have saved this post and will reread it at least monthly, if not weekly. Thank you for this much-needed reminder!
Yep, the truth will always come out one way or the other. It takes courage to bring to the surface what you've been stuffing down for so long. It's like sweeping dirt under the rug where the lump just gets larger and larger and larger. Finally something has to give. So much easier to just use a dustpan and throw that shit out.
Love this analogy. It’s so true
"What is the conversation you’ve rehearsed for years and never had?" Stop being in my head. I have had a conversation in my head so many times and in so much detail, I feel genuinely surprised the person continues to act as if it never happened.
Haha, YES! if only they could just figure it out 🤣
Imagine being an enneagram 8 with a strong 9 wing...we are constantly mentally coming apart at the seams. ;-)
Wow! I’ve never thought about that combo. That must be tough. I’m a 1w9 and am always pulled between doing what is “right” but also keeping the peace…
Omg YES! Me!!
This just hit me right square in the stomach where I needed it to. I have been avoiding a conversation with my daughters about my will for a few years because I’m scared it might change my relationship with them, even though I’m not satisfied with where things are presently. I feel so scared and vulnerable when I think about it—I have analysis paralysis. Thanks for reminding me that I am making a mountain out of a molehill (even though it is a big molehill). You’re always spot-on~💕
Good luck with this conversation ❤️
"I completely catastrophized a result that didn’t even happen." My entire life.
Omg yes.
I love this so much! And how you used your voice and spoke up when it was costly and uncomfortable. And how well it all worked out! I wasn't expecting to love your book, I had never heard of you when I bought it, but I DID. Loved every second of it!
I was thinking something similar. I probably would never have found her had she not done this. I’m so glad that she did!
Wow, does this ever speak to me! 😳 Thank you for always hitting the nail right on the head!
Fantastic piece
I’m so glad you got out and so is everyone who read Awake! Thank you for guiding the rest of us with your story. I am here - wringing my hands over a conversation that is years overdue. Why? Because the thought of being the “bad guy” is intolerable. It is so helpful to be reminded there is a better way and that I’m not flawed for being afraid.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, Jen! I can SO relate to fleeing from conflict! Thank you for expressing so articulately the high cost of this behavior; I have experienced that as well. I do believe that as women are learning to use their voices differently, and from an earlier age, we are not teaching our daughters and granddaughters to keep the peace at all costs, something I know I was taught. We are teaching them to speak their truth, and that people who truly care about them will hear that and value it. Wow! I cannot wait to see the difference this will make in the world around us! Thank you again for reminding us that there is such value in sharing our struggles! We are never, never alone in them!
This IS me! Thank you for the challenge. I will improve for my future self!
This is so wise and memorable. Thanks for sharing this story!
Also, the gays are lucky to have you on our team!